This passion more evidently took a big launch and started to grow more and more on my birthday last year. A passion that, as my dear friend encouraged me, ‘bursts with sparkles inside a bottle.’ One that longs for more of God and to seek Him earnestly. ‘When the enemy starts to shake the bottle trying to break it, the passion inside started shaking and all the light and sparkles burst out of the bottle.’
To be honest my life hasn’t always been smooth. In fact, if you want a big picture it’s more been sloppy slopes, sometimes mountains high and definitely valleys low. I’ve overcome a lot and that’s made me who I am today. I’m sure many of you can identify with me, I’ve struggled with identity, relationships, and with loneliness.
My journey thus far (& by the grace of God I’m still learning) has personally shown me that my identity is His masterpiece, there’s none greater than the relationship I have with Him, and that I am Never Alone.
You are God’s masterpiece
I used to think that I couldn’t fit in anywhere, that my physical appearance and inner identity couldn’t blend in with anyone. As a result, it’s given me the perception of never being able to measure up, not having the qualifications to talk to people who I thought didn’t accept me, and has made me ‘timid’.
Through series of revelations is how God keeps reminding me that I am His creation. He created me this way in order to reach a diverse group of people. My identity includes things like being an Asian woman growing up and educated in a Western world. But those things that used to make me feel timid is rather a strength because all these different parts that make up me can reach all these different spheres of people that not everyone else can. Without changing myself or ‘trying’ I possess an already existing influence. I can help so many, I can understand and relate to so many and I can encourage and edify an expansive group of people all over the world. How amazing is that?!
“Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.” (2 Corinthians 1:21)
I love this book ‘Anonymous’ by Alicia Britt Chole, it always encourages me when I’m at a place where I’m feeling low. She says in her book, “Within our souls, we possess a need to be valued and wanted, wondering what makes us special. But, only God can reach that place because He is the One who created that place… So let’s reposition our it-is-not-enough feelings behind God’s it-is-enough truth. We are the recipients of God’s attention and acceptance. What could the world actually add to that?”
Jesus has given me freedom, He died on the cross and rose again to tell me that I AM QUALIFIED, I AM VALUED, I AM HIS MASTERPIECE.
My Relationship with Jesus
I’ve had my fair share of relationships and none of them have been anything like what I have with Jesus. Yes you can say it’s different but it was a long journey for me to shift seeking love and attention from men to seeking the one who loves me with a love that none can compare.
On this rough journey I’ve had series after series of disappointment, sorrow and hurt but thankfully it has only taught me a huge lesson and pointed me towards learning my ‘Boundaries’. [A must read: Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend].
If I were to get a little bit more personal here… Since I was someone who lacked basically Any boundaries, I’d given others control over my feelings, attitudes, behaviours, choices and values. Instead of building my relationships on freedom – likewise to our relationship with Christ, I’d opened up ways for people to take advantage of me, to disrespect me and to cause a lot of hurt. This was my responsibility and sometimes without them even knowing, it was destroying the relationship.
Thankfully after learning about boundaries I’ve been able to develop healthier friendships, I’ve learned how to better guard my heart and how to prepare myself for the one God will bless me with in the future.
Did you know that you can have a relationship with Jesus? You can speak to him, ask Him to help you, to bring you joy, contentment, to take away your sorrows, your sickness, your troubles.
Jesus is your companion, your ever present help. The word of God says “For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, do not fear; I will help you.” (Isaiah 41:13) and “He leads you beside still waters, restores your soul,… and even when you walk through the valley of the shadow of death you won’t fear no evil.” (Psalm 23) You can have no fear in any given situation!
Loneliness is something that I know I must constantly overcome because God knows that He might have just shown me how much He’s constantly by my side and then I might just lie down and start thinking I’m all alone again. #single #thestruggleisreal Haha.
But thankfully discipline is one of my strengths and I’ve been learning to, as Pastor Bobbie says, take my own thinking cap off and put God’s thinking cap on. I believe that it’s not a season of waiting but a season of training me for what God is preparing for me. Loneliness doesn’t just go away once I get what I want, or once I get a husband or once I have people around me. Loneliness is something I must face head on and realize I can defeat it every time with a revelation of how it’s impossible to ever be alone. God is always with me, I am never alone.
I had a wonderful wonderful experience in New York where God literally, step by step, showed me I am Never Alone. Having it be my first time being in New York city and traveling by myself somewhere unfamiliar, I woke up and decided ‘today is going to be my chance to have a perfect date with God’.
From the outset, I never had a moment where I felt lonely or afraid and I even felt him caring for me and protecting me. I can’t believe I never realized how much easier my day could be if only I remembered that He was with me.
If you don’t know me, I’m a huge planner and huge on details and precision. I plan not only where I’m going but the experience I’m going to have. So, literally I plan which bus at which time and which road I’m going to walk on. (Crazy hey?) But somehow on this day where I chose to have a perfect date with God, I let go of all that planning and in came God’s perfect timing. I let Him lead me on the date I decided to go on with Him. He showed me a route full of emotions that brought me so close to him, so intimate and so loved.
Rather than taking the usual shuttle to the city, I managed to find a bus through random people that just decided to give me advice (probably angels that God sent, haha) that saved me a ton of money and immersed me in the local and the culture which I so fell in love with.
So the first stop I went to FDNY for a tour. When I got there, even though I called to make sure there was a tour, it had already started and what’s even more hilarious is that they didn’t tell me it was a tour for little children. Nevertheless, I felt God love on me so much. One of the firefighters approached me and had a great conversation with me. He gave me a personal session on fire safety and ended up asking me about my trip. He really cared for me and through that I felt it couldn’t be more obvious that God was telling me ‘My precious daughter, I care for you so much’.
This was my first experience of God’s perfect timing: I got there just in time to meet the fireman who even though was in the middle of a tour, had time to have a personal conversation with me.
Then I walk out of FDNY and tried to find my way to the next destination. I had a couple tours lined up but wasn’t sure how I was going to go about it since tours start at a certain time and have queues but I went ahead letting God guide me step by step.
I walk up to Radio City Music Hall to ask about the tour. My second experience of God’s perfect timing: They said to me, ‘come on in! the tour’s about to start in one minute’. Because I had a pass, even though there was a huge line, I got ushered in, got given a pass, and started the tour right away. The tour was fabulous, I was fascinated by all the details of the building, the history, the fancy, the luxurious, the creativity and the talent. But what resonated within me was God telling me how much he loves everyone just as much as he loves me. Everything might be so amazing but never as marvelous as His love for me.
This may be unbelievable but right after the tour I made my way to the Rockefeller centre to see if I can catch the tour there. God faithfully showed me once again his perfect timing: I get to the reception, they tell me ‘Yep, right this way’ and showed me to the man leading the tour. I have no idea how but again I was first to get in and without lining up the tour started. On the tour I was shown the richest of the rich, ceilings made of gold, beautiful stories of expensive art but God showed me that I am His creation, that I can dream big, that he has so much more to offer me and that all I needed to do was follow wherever He leads. I understood that God knows my past and He knows my future so all I needed to do was to prepare myself in the present.
Then I made my way to the 9/11 World Trade Centre Memorial Museum. There I deeply felt God share his emotions with me. I saw things that made me feel extremely sad, heartbroken to the brink of tears but I shared that moment with Him and felt him so intimately. He showed me how sad he was watching the people he loves pass away and when I felt how much God loves them I felt how much I love his people and how much he loves me.
Even now I find myself feeling lonely at times but that’s why we must constantly remind ourselves with the promises of God and be ready to change our thinking into God’s thinking because we are in fact never alone. God has so much love for us to experience, so much for you to appreciate, you have the ability to transform from feeling defeated to shouting out the victory of conquering something that was holding you back.
He says “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” (Hebrews 13:5) “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)
Let’s not let anything cause us to think we should feel lonely because God is with you, He can help you, He can be your comfort, you only need to take the initiative to ask Him.
Have you ever felt the need for someone to love you deeply and to know you completely? Can I tell you my story, of how Jesus was my answer to that question?